Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're like the curious george of whores
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
