My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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