so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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