There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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