he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
