He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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