Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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