So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
zippers are such a cool invention
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.