the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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