We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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