Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
