I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
