is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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