Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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