he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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