im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
