was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
