Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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