Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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