My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
