My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
