One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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