Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
