Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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