I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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