Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
