they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
