I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
