Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
