we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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