but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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