It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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