He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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