My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
