ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
