used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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