Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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