No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
