one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
