i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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