In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The ass gains better be worth it
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