Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
