He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's shark week go big or go home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
