I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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