I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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