i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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