my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
are you so shy because you have an std?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
