Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize