i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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