covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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