remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
