all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
