He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
