oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
