My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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