i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
